"Did you just run down the hall because you were afraid of the dark?" Chris asked me one evening after I had returned from the bathroom.
"Yeah. So?" I responded.
I absolutely cannot be allowed to watch scary movies or television shows ever. I. Can't. Handle. It.
I thought I had outgrown my overactive imagination and the paralyzing fear that comes with watching horror flicks. After all, only just six or seven years ago, my best friend and I used to build forts and watch terrible scary movies- movies so bad that you find yourself laughing at the awful writing and acting rather than jumping at every scare (John Corbett, I love you and always will but you should never do thrillers.). It had been a long time since I had lost my shit been scared after a scary movie and even longer since the time The Ring kept me from looking at myself in the mirror for about a month. I thought I was good to go. Well, I was wrong.
A couple jobs ago, there was a woman in the office next to mine (with a pretty loud voice) who raved constantly about the television show, American Horror Story. She went on and on about how well-written and entertaining it was and how much she and her husband were loving season 2. Since discovering Downton Abbey, Chris and I have been on a television series kick. We'll pick a series (usually something we've heard good things about) and watch every episode of every season. We had just finished Mad Men and were looking for something new to dive into. After scrolling through the options, we picked American Horror Story.
I made plates of sushi for each of us and we settled in for a nice evening of sushi, tv-watching, and cuddling on the couch. I was so excited about this sushi- the smoky roasted portobello had been filling our house with some wonderful smells, it was paired with heart of palm (my obsession as of late), and I had semi-perfected the "rice on the outside" sushi rolls. Needless to say, I was pretty stoked for dinner. Chris hit play and I reached for my chopsticks. Before I could dip one roll into soy sauce, though, my heart began racing. I couldn't take my eyes off the screen and I could feel myself breathing heavier. I watched, knowing something awful was about to happen. There was something there and they couldn't see it. "Why don't they run? Dear God, why don't they run?" I kept thinking to myself (I may have said this out loud too, I don't know). Just as I'd suspected, something really awful did happen with no lack of gruesome images to go along with it. Then the opening credits began to roll. "I don't know if I can watch this," I told Chris. After the opening credits, it was only a matter of moments before more bloodshed. I don't think I lasted through more than four minutes of that show (including the opening credits).
Luckily, sushi tastes just as great cold so once I was able to stop hyperventilating calm down and pull myself together, I enjoyed every bite of this portobello sushi. The smokiness of the portobello blends beautifully with the creaminess of the heart of palm and the green onion adds just a touch of mild onion flavor. The rice on the outside is sprinkled with toasted black sesame seeds. The trick, I have learned, to rolling the sushi with the rice on the outside is to only use half a sheet of nori and use very minimal fillings (so use about half as much as shown in the picture below and you'll be okay. This roll actually was a huge fail, a tasty fail, but not as pretty as the subsequent rolls.) Using a wet knife to slice it is also pretty imperative.
I enjoyed the rest of our evening too, it being horrifying-image free. My overactive imagination, however, was kicked into high gear. I was afraid of the dark for the rest of the night (and the following two nights). I did take to running down the hall when it was dark. I may or may not have taken Samantha in the bathroom with me for those nights, even just to brush my teeth. And try explaining to your husband that you need to take a running leap into bed because standing next to the bed in the dark, with your ankles exposed, is simply not an option.
Ingredients
- 2 medium-large portobello mushrooms
- olive oil spray
- 2 teaspoons Bragg's Liquid Aminos (or tamari/soy sauce)
- 1 teaspoon liquid smoke
- salt and pepper to taste
- 2 heart of palm stalks, sliced into matchsticks
- 4-5 green onions, trimmed
- 2 cups cooked brown rice
- 1 tablespoon brown rice vinegar
- 1 teaspoon mirin
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 2 nori sheets, broke/cut in half
Instructions
- Preheat the oven to 400. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Lightly spray both the top and the bottom of each portobello mushroom cap and place them on the baking sheet, underside up.
- Drizzle 1 teaspoon of Bragg's Liquid Aminos over each mushroom. Drizzle 1/2 a teaspoon of liquid smoke over each mushroom. Let them sit until the oven is fully preheated. Place them in the oven and roast for 10 minutes. Remove and let rest for about 10 minutes. After they've rested, slice the portobellos, on th ebias, into about 6-6 slices each.
- In a large bowl, mix together the cooked rice with the brown rice vinegar, miring and salt. Or you can skip this step, if you'd like.
- If you've never rolled sushi before, I strongly recommend watching a tutorial first (it will explain it much better than I can). For rolling it with rice on the outside, I learned from this tutorial.
- Wrap a bamboo rolling mat in plastic wrap. Layout one sheet of nori, smooth side up, on top of the plastic wrapped rolling mat. The nori should be laying lengthwise from left to right (the distance from front to back should be the shorter distance of the rectangle).
- Spread rice out on top of the nori, leaving about 1/2 an inch clear at the end of the nori sheet farthest from you.
- If you want to roll the sushi with the rice on the inside, leave it as is. If you want the rice on the outside (as I did), follow these instructions:
- If you'd like, you can sprinkle sesame seeds on top of the rice (I toasted black sesame seeds and used those). Then, very carefully, flip the nori sheet over and lay the rice side down on top of the plastic wrapped bamboo mat.
- In the middle of the nori sheet, lay down a strip of portobello slices, heart of palm matchsticks and green onion halves.
- Using the bamboo mat, roll the end of the nori closest to you over the filling ingredients. Continue rolling the mat until the roll is fully closed. Form the mat around the roll and gently form the roll. Unwrap and lay the roll on a cutting board. Wet a very sharp knife and use it to slice the roll in half, then slice each of those halves in to 3-4 small slices. Repeat with the remaining ingredients, making four rolls. Serve immediately with some soy sauce and Enjoy!
Do you like scary movies?
Photography by Chris Miller
Emily - It Comes Naturally
Oh my goodness! That took me back - I remember always running down the stairs in the dark as a kid. I too have a terrible overactive imagination!
But boy, those sushi rolls look good! "Sushi tastes great cold"??? I always eat my sushi cold, you mean I can eat it hot??? Bring it on!
Kelly @ Vegan Iowan
Love this creative take on sushi! I can't say horror movies/shows are my thing, but your story is great!
Amanda
I am the EXACT same way with scary movies. Something happened to me when I watched The Ring (in the theater, no less) and I just haven't been the same since. haha That stuff stays with me for days (years?).
Those sushi rolls sound so good! I'm very impressed with your rice-on-the-outside skill. 🙂
Emma
I can't handle scary movies either. After watching them when I was younger my brothers always used to hide round corners and jump out at me, knowing I'd be on edge! Not very kind!
The sushi on the other hand looks fabulous. I've never eaten hearts of palm before so don't know what they taste like, but smoky portobellos sound divine.
luminousvegans
I absolutely looove scary movies, yet have the same reactions to watching them...running into bed so no one grabs me under, keeping my entire body covered by blankets even if I'm sweating because that blanket will protect me LOL. But I can't stop watching them....must be some kind of thrill seeking problem of mine.
I love having portobello in sushi. It offers a nice smoky earth flavor.
Heather
This is me giving you a hug - I am SO excited to make these!
Maria Tadic
That's so funny! I can't watch scary movies either - and my husband laughs at me when I want to sleep with the lights on!! OMG, after the movie The Strangers, I was freaked for weeks! Ugh...but at least you made some pretty decent looking sushi! I certainly dont have those skills!
FoodFeud
Just had some delicious portabella sushi yesterday; it was awesome. Bet these would continue the trend. Really interesting addition of palm hearts. As for scary movies, nope, can't do it - though I'm better with TV shows or watching at home (I DO love American Horror Story.) Theaters REALLY scare me.
It does also help to have food while watching - it sort of seems to keep me grounded, or gives me something else to focus on if it gets too intense!
Alex Caspero MA,RD (@delishknowledge)
Totally agree! BL just dragged me to see the conjuring and... dear god, I am still scared. It's so silly, i can't be upstairs by myself! Hate them, hate them. But, I do love a good veggie sushi!
Katie
I admire you for trying! I fell asleep during the Sixth Sense, and that was freaky enough. Growing up, my parents always told us to shut our eyes at the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (a favourite movie of all time) when the bad guy *spoiler* chooses the wrong goblet. I peeked once. 25+ years later, and I still haven't seen that whole scene ...
I found this recipe today that I think would be good post scary movie therapy - feeding the soul and all that. Hearts of palm mac and cheese! Some smoky sliced portabellas on top would be sublime. Comfort food saves the day! (cue hero riding white horse)
http://spabettie.com/2013/07/29/palm-heart-mac-and-cheese/#more-11804
Sarah
Ha, I am a big scaredy cat too! And it doesn't help that Irving travels ALL OF THE TIME so I am always home alone with my 2 year old to keep me safe. I have banned myself from watching any cop shows while he is gone—just freak me out too much!
This sushi looks great! MY boys love mushrooms so I will make some for them, if Irving ever gets back into town, and might sub in some cucumber and avocado for me. Thanks for the great directions!
Liz
Kristy,
I can watch scary movies/shows, but what I CAN'T do is blood, guts, and gore, which, for some reason, filmmakers seem to think is necessary in cinema of the aforementioned genre. I find that as I get older, I have less and less of a stomach for all that blood and guts (whereas, as a yungin' 🙂 NONE of that bothered me one BIT).
I watched the first season of AHS, (VERY unwisely, LATE at night, BY MYSELF) and that was enough for me. For the first several episodes, I had the SAME reactions as you did. My "fight-or-flight" kicked in to HIGH gear, and, despite my mind screaming at me to turn the show OFF, I. Just. Kept. Watching. Regrettably so. I just found it to be random, convoluted and a little self indulgent, like the writers were throwing in these gory shots just for gore's sake. IMHO, most of the horror was superfluous and completely gratuitous, doing nothing to further the story. So, if the second season was anything like the first, I'm thinking that you dodged a bullet and are most definitely better off. 🙂 Besides, can you imagine how long Samantha would have to be your bathroom buddy if you had made it through the WHOLE season?!
Annie
My friends and I watched the movie Halloween every year on - - Halloween night. We loved scary movies back then, but now, I'm just not into them any more. Guess I'm a wuss. Now suspense - that's a whole different ball of wax!
Beautiful sushi, girl! Need to get my mat out and rooooollll!
Richa
looks like you are on a Sushi roll! 😉
i cannot watch horror movies.. or even too much suspense or gore or death. it doesnt work with my panic disorder:)
Passion meets creativity
These rolls look AMAZING!!!!
Cadry
You poor thing! I hope you made it through the night without any nightmares! (I loved your last line about your ankles. I had that same fear when I was a kid.) I absolutely can't watch scary movies, and I don't even try anymore. When David and I first started dating we watched the whole Buffy the Vampire Slayer series, and I looooooooved it. Only one problem: it gave me nightmares. If I can't watch a teen drama from the WB without nightmares, there's no way I could handle American Horror Story. Too bad since I've heard good things too, and one of my former co-workers was in it as the part of Pepper. But I'll never see it!
Heather
Oh man Justin and I can barely sit through a scary movie- we were surprised though when we actually fell in love with American Horror Story....although we went to take a look at a really old house we were potentially going to buy, it was built in the 1800's, beautiful original woodwork, servants quarters, 2 parlors, formal dining and servants kitchen- it was so beautiful....but we could not get past that feeling we were actually in the American Horror Story house- we both didn't say anything until we left but we looked at each other and Justin said - I don't think I could ever sleep in that house, waaaay to scary and just that feeling there possibly could be spirits sent us in the other direction 🙂 These rolls look incredible- rice on the outside even, so proud of you!!
rika@veganmiam.com
That's a lovely looking sushi! Portobello is versatile in any dishes, and I love how you apply the black sesame seeds on the exterior for a bit of texture. I have not tried the palm stalks yet, but are they as tasty as the bamboo shoots?
Food and Wine
Holy Yumm! gonna try this one asap! what would you use instead of harts of palm?
keepinitkind
Awesome! I would give cucumber or zucchini a try! 🙂
Mushrooms Canada
I love a meal that everyone can enjoy! These beautiful rolls are the perfect solution to my sushi cravings... thank you!
-Shannon
Katie @ Produce on Parade
I can relate! I am terrified of the dark, haha! Thanks for sharing such an awesome recipe 🙂 Cheers!
slywlf
OMG - I have a stitch in my side from laughing so hard at the imagery - especially the bit about exposed ankles! BTDT!!! While over time I have learned to enjoy some types of horror movies - never the slasher stuff though 😛 - I have a vivid memory of going to see Jurassic Park at the theater. When we came out the formerly clear, breezy pleasant weather had turned to heavy fog with no breeze. Driving home was bad enough, but trying to nerve myself to get out of the car and make the mad dash to the front door, sprinting past all those shrubs which could easily have been hiding Velociraptors.... 😉
Anyway, these sound lovely, and well worth learning the trick of sushi rolling!
Joe99
Kristy, this recipe is making my brain explode. I can not wait to try this! I will admit, that on my second trip down vegan lane, I have an ongoing daydream of finding a yummy replacement for the hole left in my heart that was spicy tuna rolls. When I saw this, my mind bloomed with images of minced portobellos, boiled in a briny, miso with some smoked salt and nori or seaweed, then drained and tossed with sriracha and vegan mayo, lots of chives and parsley…umm… I… I'm going to need this to happen. Soon. Now. Ok, tomorrow. It is like 9:45pm. I suppose it can wait till tomorrow. Oh, and thinly sliced avocado everywhere.
I'm so sad that you wrote this months ago and I am just now discovering it. This is an answer to the silent, weepy prayers from my taste buds. Thank you. Oh, and also, if you have a Whole-foody kind of place at your disposal, try replacing liquid smoke with smoked salt and smoked paprika, etc… such a better flavor that won't taste as artificial. Somehow, at 37 I just tried it, and now that I have, liquid smoke is dead to me {spats on ground}. There is a place in Ky that takes old Makers Mark barrels and re-chars them to make a whole host of smoked spices, soy sauces and miso. In Kentucky. I know, right?!? Who knew? Search online for Bourbon Barrel Foods. Thanks again for a great recipe!
Joe